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Grizzly Bear's story

I drive a college shuttle bus. Today we started an entire new routing scheme and schedule and I got new working hours. It is also payday and May 1st. So an auspicious time to make it another first. Getting my studio apartment livable.

My story is much like everyone else's. Several years ago I notice that I had been sitting in my underwear at my computer playing games for several hours. I was surrounded by empty pizza and KFC boxes. I hadn't changed my sheets in at least a month. The "crisper" in my refrigerator held a swamp of unknown vegetable matter. Dishes where piled in the sink.

It seems I was in the midst of a major depression. It had been creeping up on my all my life but the loss of my father, grandparents, and best friend within a three year period seemed to have accelerated the process.

I got myself a therapist, personal trainer and a once a week house cleaner. Things were fine for about a year. Because of financial problems I had to do without the trainer and the housekeeper. Eventually my living space was back to its squalorish best.

For the last couple of years I've been on medication that has blunted the serious consequences of depression but seems old habits die hard.

I still use the computer to forget the mess which I'm not looking at. I can control the computer I can't control the mess.

I ran across Squalor Survivors while looking for tips on cleaning. I have come back several times.

Why am I sharing now?

I can't find my new eyeglasses. I've lost the minutes I took at a nonprofit board meeting at which decisions were made that require formally approved minutes before they can carry on business. I climb over a mound of stuff to get to my bed. I have come through another month of paying late fees on some bills. After many close calls I finally tripped on something and fell. No injuries but that's only a matter of time. I might have made myself sick by using a utensil that I quickly rinsed off instead of washing with soap and hot water. I let no one visit. I panic if the manager of my building has to do routine inspection or maintenance.

What kind of thing am I looking for from this site?

Tips, tricks, encouragement, empathy, community and just someone to check in with to report my little successes.

I do admire all of you for the progress you have made.

Grizzly Bear