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The Life Cycle of Magazines

The Normal Life Cycle of Magazines

  1. Read part of.
  2. Put on nightstand to finish.
  3. Finish reading.
  4. Throw away.

The Life Cycle Of A Hoarder's Magazines

  1. Read part of.
  2. Put in stack to finish.
  3. Lose in stack.
  4. Dig through whole stack to find.
  5. Read part of.
  6. Throw by side of bed in pile that used to be the stack before you tore it apart looking for it.
  7. Lose in pile.
  8. Six months later, when pile is totally out of control, spend three hours sorting through.
  9. Finish reading, but decide to save in case you need to find something in it later.
  10. Put in stack again.
  11. Stack gets knocked over again.
  12. Leave in pile for six more months.
  13. Spend three more hours sorting through.
  14. Stack again.
  15. Stack gets knocked over again.
  16. Spouse complains about the number of magazines piled up.
  17. Place some of the magazines in a box.
  18. Leave box sitting on bedroom floor for six months to a year until spouse complains again.
  19. Move box outside to deck.
  20. Guiltily think they should be recycled by donating to a medical office.
  21. Leave on deck in rain for three months or until spouse complains.
  22. Move to entrance of crawlspace for storage (entrance is blocked with too much stuff to actually put it inside.)
  23. Leave for six months to a year until spouse complains about stuff stacked up outside crawlspace and threatens divorce.
  24. Spend four hours clearing path in crawlspace to put away.
  25. Leave under house for 2 or 3 years until spouse complains about the fire hazard under the house.
  26. Pull out box, open, and notice that all magazines are mildewed from being left out in rain.
  27. Put outside of crawlspace again prior to disposal.
  28. Leave outside of crawlspace for three months until spouse complains again and threatens to torch the house.
  29. Move halfway to truck to take to dump.
  30. Leave halfway to truck for six weeks or until spouse breaks leg falling over and/or neighbors threaten to have county fine you for unkempt state of property.
  31. Spouse threatens murder.
  32. Take to dump.